Pushing 40

Approaching 40 is something that would not bother me at all... or so I thought. I just had my 37th birthday and I was a little unprepared to the reality that I only have 3 years to go before hitting the 40th mark. Is this midlife crisis or what? Some say that midlife crisis presents itself usually at the age of 50 but with all the turmoil and stress we now have, it has manifested itself earlier for some.

From my own perspective, midlife crisis is just a term but it is more of "midlife issues". Once the age of 40 looms near, I noticed that I am more critical in evaluating my life, my beliefs and even my faith. I begin to question whether is this the life that I really want and how can I get more out of life? I want to do more things that I have not done before or go to places where I have never been.

At 20, I was already married. I was more carefree and adventurous in my decisions. I do not get fat no matter what and how much I ate. It was a terrific & learning phase of my life. The only downside of this stage is that sometimes I felt, people, especially older ones, do not take me seriously in my business arrangements with them. They could not accept that they are transacting with this inexperienced young girl.

Reaching 30 was a wonderful moment for me. I was more confident and sure of myself. Family and acquaintances seems to take notice more of my insights. But the carefree attitude slowly receded as concerns for the future took its priority.

Now at 37, I keep thinking that there should be something more to life that what it seems to present. One factor that really creeps into me is monotony. Things and places that I have enjoyed before does not give me the same satisfaction as now. And it gets stiffer when I can not express my own individuality, which is my feistiness & assertiveness to some people knowing that they could not handle it.

Fortunately, I am still not desperate for a physical makeover though I have started to be more religious in putting moisturizers. Watching what I eat and the portions that I consume really involve much discipline. I am more conscious of how I look and would be pleased when friends and acquaintances would tell me that I just look my children's older sister. Call me gullible but so what, it's music to my ears.

Sometimes I wonder if it is time to replace my old beliefs and attitudes with new ones to match this middle age phase. It's because what we do is guided by what we believe in. It's really hard to identify the change of direction that I want to make for my life. Perhaps, a lot of quiet time which will lead to reflection will pave the way to the right path.

To quote Jim Rohn,

"If you don't change what you are doing today,

All of your tomorrows will look like yesterday."

Of Rains and Memories

For the first time since the start of summer, I did not have the fan pointed directly at me. It's raining and much as I hate getting wet, it is a clear and much welcome respite from the humidity that we all felt during the summer months. Last week was the start of the rainy season as what PAGASA (our weather bureau in Manila) said so we better brace ourselves for more rains, floods and more traffic.

Plants get their much needed water during the rainy season, the grass seems greener every time it rains, and we tend to be a in a slowdown mode during this season. While typing, it is both soothing & pleasant to hear the sound of the rain on my roof with a cup of coffee on my table.

One of my fondest memories of the rainy season is when my mom would whip up a hot chicken macaroni soup to match the weather. With a lot of milk and flaked chicken, I would blow it impatiently. The feel of the warm soup running in my throat is enough to quench a child's boredom in being confined indoors.

With my own family, I'm not a good cook as my mom was but we do have our own memories to share. When the lights are out because of a storm, we would all gather in the living room and take turns telling stories to keep us pre-occupied. With all the darkness surrounding us and with just a candle, scary stories become the fave topic among all. It may sound so simple but that simplicity itself makes it endearing as it makes us bond more to each other. The absence of the TV, radio or computer makes us break free from the distractions that hound us everyday.

Well, that goes for my rainy season memory bank. Care to share yours?