The Move

It has been exactly 18 days since we transferred to our new house. Our departure from our old place has been abrupt but with God's grace, everything is falling into place.

Looking back, house hunting has been a challenging and roller coaster ride. You will be engulfed with different emotions varying from excitement, to disappointment to exasperation. After 3 days of exhausting ourselves physically in trying to find a house, our prayers were answered as we were able to find a house that not only suits our budget but also fits our "space needs". Viola! A 3 bedroom house with 2 T&B and a covered 1 car garage in a small quiet ville where my kids could ride their bicycles without fear of being ran over by fast vehicles. And aside from the kitchen, it even has a small dirty kitchen & laundry area to boot. Each room receives ample natural lighting. A far cry from our old place wherein you would always need to turn on the lights even at daytime.

It was physically, emotionally & financially draining but then, the storm is over. Life goes on and everything is slowly returning back to its normal state. Each day that passes, I see my family adjusting and enjoying our new surroundings.

The people that caused our sudden transfer will forever carry in their hearts the guilt of their irrational & harsh behaviour when they displaced a family with 4 kids in the middle of the school year. But one thing I am sure of is that I, together with my family will happily move on to the next chapter of our lives full of hopes in our new found place we now call HOME.

Second Time

For those who are close to me, you would know the situation that I am in right now. I came across this poem when it was sent to me via email and the mark that it left me was so profound that I want to share it to anyone who is reading this blog.

After a While

"After a while you learn the subtle difference

between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

and company isn't security.

(Kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.)

After awhile you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes open,

with the grace of a woman,

not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain

and the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns

if you stand too long in one place.

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.

And you learn you really can endure,

that you really do have worth.

You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn."

....Author unknown...

I remember coming across this poem way back in high school when I would read whatever is available. Back then, this poem didn't create much impact and I easily dismissed it. Well, what can you expect? I was 14 or 15 years old, life was carefree and one of my concerns at that time were if I could ask for extra allowance from my dad. Besides, I was nude of experience during my adolescent years. Now, I was given the second chance to read this poem & undergoing a difficult time in my adult life, the poem is enlightening! Ironic that the deepest pain one could feel would be the source of one's liberation & realization.

Speaking of second chances, I am reading again (now in chapter 18) The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I have finished this book already way back 2004 & even gave it out as souvenirs to my guests during the christening of my youngest child. The first time I read it, the book did made sense already and helped me discover a lot of things. But now, as I am reading it again, it gave a totally whole new sense of meaning and depth that I didn't encounter the first time I read it.

This ascertains that for every stage of our lives, people or things can leave an imprint in us that we would carry on. So never be hasty in dismissing people you once knew or books you might have read already as you will never know if they will serve their purpose again in your journey.

BTW, for copyright purposes, I tried to research who the author of the poem is but to no avail. If you happen to be aware, please let me know.

When the Dust Settles...

Picture this. A bright, sunny day and you are standing in the middle of the road when you see a speeding car. It's too late and you got hit. You're thrown in the air, you hit the sidewalk & still shocked by what happened, you try to get up. You can't believe that the driver almost killed you and didn't even bother to stop.

Shuddering right? Well, that is how it is when a crisis hits you. Difficulties come at a time when you least expect it. But when the dust settles, you gather yourself and try to pick up the remaining pieces of what's left. They say that every crisis is a call to greatness. And every callous deed done to you by a person is a call for you to rise above it all. I say, it is a call of faith. The difficult moments of our life will shape us to be a better person. We have been given an ability to cope to whatever life offers us. However, it would all depend on how one would react to a tough situation.

How often do we find ourselves hindered by negative thoughts that almost surely it affects our work? How often do we find ourselves overshadowed by the wrong decisions that we make. Often, we justify our actions and thoughts by saying that these are the things that we have no control over. We support the premise that we are victims of our destiny simply because it relieves us of the guilt and it is the most convenient thing to say. But that is otherwise. The greatest gift we have been given is the power to choose. We can choose how to cope with life's uncertainties and situations. We can choose how to respond when someone's callous behaviour hurts us. We can choose to succumb to weakness or to stand up & be strong, or choose to walk the right but hard path rather than choose to do the easy but erroneous way. The decisions that we make in life is the legacy that we will leave behind.

Empowerment is the key word here. We are empowered as human beings to choose as to how to react to what life throws upon us. Any person can be laid off from work, have huge amounts of debt, have a terminally sick family member or be dumped by a spouse. The disparity here is how we will react to this experience. The old saying, "When life throws you lemons, make a lemonade" is true.

But if I may add, make it a pitcher of lemonade...so you can share it with others. Life is still beautiful!

Solo Flight

With 4 kids and with no helper for 6 straight months, I am trying to keep my sanity. I do everything. I wake up at 4:30 am, cook breakfast and prepare them for school, bring and fetch them to school as well. Aside from this I do our mountain of laundry, do the shopping for groceries, clean the house, teach the young kids, pay the bills & attend PTAs. My free time is only between 7am to 10am which I use for praying, checking my emails & preparing my orders for eBay. After 10am, I'm busy as a rat always running from one chore to another.

Our house would be quiet at 9pm & it would be my time for some solitude. I savour this because this is my opportunity to do whatever I want at my own pace. I can surf the internet, watch TV, read a book or newspaper, and even apply treatments on my hair. But sadly, I don't do much except read the newspaper or 2 pages at the most of my book. Don't have the energy anymore, ha ha! Later than 10pm, and I'm already groggy with sleepiness. It is really physically demanding. At times, I miss the days when I am a "lady of leisure" and regret that I do not have much time for myself. Hey, I miss going to the salon or taking a nap in the afternoon or basically doing.... nothing.

But still, at the end of the day, I thank the Lord for the blessings that I have & for making me physically fit to take care of my kids and not be the one to be taken cared of. I also get to enhance my time management skills as a Domestic Engineer aka Stay-at-Home mom!

Recently, I've been having conflicts with my 14 year old son. They say that God gave us 13 years to love our kids because we would need all that love when they reach their adolescent years. All, all I can say is it is TRUE! Raising a teenage son could be quite a feat to handle. It's like having a love-hate relationship. Often, I would like to squeeze his neck to bring sense to him but at the same time embrace him.

Parenting is no easy task. Doing it on a solo flight makes it even harder. There is no vacation or days-off even when there are days that you feel like not getting up or have a simple headache. There's just nobody to rely on. The team that I thought I had vanished into thin air & I found myself all alone.

Nevertheless, I still believe that there is nothing that one couldn't handle. Each of us will have our moment of difficulty. It is my time now. It is the season of rain for my life. I welcome it believing that only after the rain will the rainbow come.

Red Marked Dates

Last June 12 was our country's Independence Day or birthday as we may put it. However, the new generation, our children, will never really know when our country's birthday really is. Why? It's because of our President's fondness for a long weekend. Ever since Arroyo became the head of the state, you can never rely on your trusted calendar for the red marked holidays. There is nothing wrong with that, if you ask me, in trying to give our labor force a much deserved long break but please not all the time. These dates were made holidays for its meaning and are part of Philippine history like our Independence Day & Rizal Day to name a few. And it is in history that we learn from the mistakes of our ancestors and ascertain the courage of our heroes.

With us, adults, there is no problem with the replacement since the event is already imparted in our memory but how about the new generation? How will kids know that June 12 is really our Independence Day when June 8 was declared holiday to give way for a long weekend? You could say that they should just memorize the dates but there is more to it than just simply memorizing. It is the simple act of celebrating that day that makes it a part of your being a Filipino.

Visiting Sagada

Where can you find a place that is so serene and blessed by nature? Where the people are kind and accommodating? Where the way of life is so simple.... seemingly untouched by the rapid changes in our society not because they do not have access to it but because they want to protect their way of life?

Where else but in the beautiful Sagada, Mountain Province. It is a place that would entail twelve to thirteen hours travel from Manila.

For a family of six, bringing our own vehicle was the most logical thing to do. We took the Baguio route going there and the Banaue route going home. There was around 3 hours of bumpy and butt aching ride as the only road leading to Sagada is not all cemented.








What makes the bumpy ride worthwhile is that you are treated by a spectacular view of nature.

Sagada is known for its scenery & caves. So we wasted no time in visiting its famous Sumaging cave. One must register at the municipal hall upon arrival before you can tour the town. They have an organized Guides Association who will accompany you when you do your chosen adventure. The rates are all standardized so there is no worry of being overcharged. Getting a guide is a must especially when you visit the caves and go hiking as it is easy to get lost and once inside the limestone caves, it is very slippery. We availed 2 guides since we are a group of 6, mostly kids who would need assistance. I must say that the guides were worth it. Since I have 2 little boys ages 5 & 6, they easily carried them on their shoulders when treading the slippery rocks inside the caves. They are skilled mountaineers and they really know their way around.

The experience of going inside the cave was quite difficult for me at first but later on got the hang of it. The guides took our hands on the parts where one would be required to go up or down on steep stones. Inside, you will be amazed at the magnificent stalactite formation and as you go deeper in the cave, fresh cold water will be a welcome refresher. Treading carefully is a must as the lime stones can be very slippery. There are portions wherein they asked us to go barefoot, coached us where to pass or how to climb the rope. My kids never complained and were excited by what they are seeing. They even took a dip in the cold water. To say that it was a thrilling experience is an understatement. The exhilaration of exploring the huge cave and making it out was truly unforgettable. One thing though that I really found hard was the part of going up to the mouth of the cave. It was a long climb up that I was really panting. Whew!

The next day, we went hiking for the Kiltepan view. Reaching the top, one would be awed by the magnificent scenery it offers. The mountain terrains and the Sagada terraces are so awesome. Some visitors go there to have a picnic and admire their surroundings. Definitely a photographer's haven.

There were so many places that we went to see like the Bokkeng waterfalls where the kids enjoyed a swim. The Hanging coffins, Burial caves, Echo Valley & St. Mary church are also among the places that we visited. Going to the burial sites require silence & respect as the natives or Ifugaos treat these places as holy.

Finally, after a day of adventure & sightseeing, what better way to cap the day but with a big cup of freshly brewed coffee from Bana cafe. Their coffee is superb at a super low price of Php 20.00! Coffee beans are grown locally there so you could just imagine its freshness that comes with the aroma. Complement your coffee with a Lemon Pie Meringue from Lemon Pie house for only Php18.00. Then sit back and relax your weary muscles from all the hiking you made.

Pushing 40

Approaching 40 is something that would not bother me at all... or so I thought. I just had my 37th birthday and I was a little unprepared to the reality that I only have 3 years to go before hitting the 40th mark. Is this midlife crisis or what? Some say that midlife crisis presents itself usually at the age of 50 but with all the turmoil and stress we now have, it has manifested itself earlier for some.

From my own perspective, midlife crisis is just a term but it is more of "midlife issues". Once the age of 40 looms near, I noticed that I am more critical in evaluating my life, my beliefs and even my faith. I begin to question whether is this the life that I really want and how can I get more out of life? I want to do more things that I have not done before or go to places where I have never been.

At 20, I was already married. I was more carefree and adventurous in my decisions. I do not get fat no matter what and how much I ate. It was a terrific & learning phase of my life. The only downside of this stage is that sometimes I felt, people, especially older ones, do not take me seriously in my business arrangements with them. They could not accept that they are transacting with this inexperienced young girl.

Reaching 30 was a wonderful moment for me. I was more confident and sure of myself. Family and acquaintances seems to take notice more of my insights. But the carefree attitude slowly receded as concerns for the future took its priority.

Now at 37, I keep thinking that there should be something more to life that what it seems to present. One factor that really creeps into me is monotony. Things and places that I have enjoyed before does not give me the same satisfaction as now. And it gets stiffer when I can not express my own individuality, which is my feistiness & assertiveness to some people knowing that they could not handle it.

Fortunately, I am still not desperate for a physical makeover though I have started to be more religious in putting moisturizers. Watching what I eat and the portions that I consume really involve much discipline. I am more conscious of how I look and would be pleased when friends and acquaintances would tell me that I just look my children's older sister. Call me gullible but so what, it's music to my ears.

Sometimes I wonder if it is time to replace my old beliefs and attitudes with new ones to match this middle age phase. It's because what we do is guided by what we believe in. It's really hard to identify the change of direction that I want to make for my life. Perhaps, a lot of quiet time which will lead to reflection will pave the way to the right path.

To quote Jim Rohn,

"If you don't change what you are doing today,

All of your tomorrows will look like yesterday."

Of Rains and Memories

For the first time since the start of summer, I did not have the fan pointed directly at me. It's raining and much as I hate getting wet, it is a clear and much welcome respite from the humidity that we all felt during the summer months. Last week was the start of the rainy season as what PAGASA (our weather bureau in Manila) said so we better brace ourselves for more rains, floods and more traffic.

Plants get their much needed water during the rainy season, the grass seems greener every time it rains, and we tend to be a in a slowdown mode during this season. While typing, it is both soothing & pleasant to hear the sound of the rain on my roof with a cup of coffee on my table.

One of my fondest memories of the rainy season is when my mom would whip up a hot chicken macaroni soup to match the weather. With a lot of milk and flaked chicken, I would blow it impatiently. The feel of the warm soup running in my throat is enough to quench a child's boredom in being confined indoors.

With my own family, I'm not a good cook as my mom was but we do have our own memories to share. When the lights are out because of a storm, we would all gather in the living room and take turns telling stories to keep us pre-occupied. With all the darkness surrounding us and with just a candle, scary stories become the fave topic among all. It may sound so simple but that simplicity itself makes it endearing as it makes us bond more to each other. The absence of the TV, radio or computer makes us break free from the distractions that hound us everyday.

Well, that goes for my rainy season memory bank. Care to share yours?

The Day It Hit Me

It's been quite a while since I've last written in my blog. In fact, this is my first post for 2008. I'm undergoing a rough patch in my life right now and words just wouldn't come out. No amount of inspiration can get me to write. However, time has a way of making things get better.

I realized that when one is so close to the problem, a person tends to lose all perspective of things. When one is amidst the storm, he or she can not see the issues clearly. But the day will come when you will be sick and tired of being "sick and tired", and little by little, you will be able to accept things and go back to what you usually do but you will never be your normal self again.

Perhaps, this is an instance wherein LIFE happens. You see, I consider myself blessed for having an easy time. In my 36 years of existence, I was spared of the hardships and bitter realities of life. Even when my dad died then later my mom passed away as well, I was able to handle death fine. But there will come a moment when your faith will be tested.

But, I have passed this point already. A lot of thinking and prayers has helped me understand things that I was unable to comprehend before. As the saying goes, "What's done is done." And you begin to ask yourself, "Where do I go from here?"

I see now my life as an empty book waiting to be filled by new things that will happen and new people that I will meet. A chapter waiting to be written. Things and people will come and go into our lives. There is no point in holding on to something or someone that would not willingly stay.

In the end, you will see that it's a sunny day, after all.