Second Time

For those who are close to me, you would know the situation that I am in right now. I came across this poem when it was sent to me via email and the mark that it left me was so profound that I want to share it to anyone who is reading this blog.

After a While

"After a while you learn the subtle difference

between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

and company isn't security.

(Kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.)

After awhile you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes open,

with the grace of a woman,

not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain

and the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns

if you stand too long in one place.

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.

And you learn you really can endure,

that you really do have worth.

You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn."

....Author unknown...

I remember coming across this poem way back in high school when I would read whatever is available. Back then, this poem didn't create much impact and I easily dismissed it. Well, what can you expect? I was 14 or 15 years old, life was carefree and one of my concerns at that time were if I could ask for extra allowance from my dad. Besides, I was nude of experience during my adolescent years. Now, I was given the second chance to read this poem & undergoing a difficult time in my adult life, the poem is enlightening! Ironic that the deepest pain one could feel would be the source of one's liberation & realization.

Speaking of second chances, I am reading again (now in chapter 18) The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I have finished this book already way back 2004 & even gave it out as souvenirs to my guests during the christening of my youngest child. The first time I read it, the book did made sense already and helped me discover a lot of things. But now, as I am reading it again, it gave a totally whole new sense of meaning and depth that I didn't encounter the first time I read it.

This ascertains that for every stage of our lives, people or things can leave an imprint in us that we would carry on. So never be hasty in dismissing people you once knew or books you might have read already as you will never know if they will serve their purpose again in your journey.

BTW, for copyright purposes, I tried to research who the author of the poem is but to no avail. If you happen to be aware, please let me know.

When the Dust Settles...

Picture this. A bright, sunny day and you are standing in the middle of the road when you see a speeding car. It's too late and you got hit. You're thrown in the air, you hit the sidewalk & still shocked by what happened, you try to get up. You can't believe that the driver almost killed you and didn't even bother to stop.

Shuddering right? Well, that is how it is when a crisis hits you. Difficulties come at a time when you least expect it. But when the dust settles, you gather yourself and try to pick up the remaining pieces of what's left. They say that every crisis is a call to greatness. And every callous deed done to you by a person is a call for you to rise above it all. I say, it is a call of faith. The difficult moments of our life will shape us to be a better person. We have been given an ability to cope to whatever life offers us. However, it would all depend on how one would react to a tough situation.

How often do we find ourselves hindered by negative thoughts that almost surely it affects our work? How often do we find ourselves overshadowed by the wrong decisions that we make. Often, we justify our actions and thoughts by saying that these are the things that we have no control over. We support the premise that we are victims of our destiny simply because it relieves us of the guilt and it is the most convenient thing to say. But that is otherwise. The greatest gift we have been given is the power to choose. We can choose how to cope with life's uncertainties and situations. We can choose how to respond when someone's callous behaviour hurts us. We can choose to succumb to weakness or to stand up & be strong, or choose to walk the right but hard path rather than choose to do the easy but erroneous way. The decisions that we make in life is the legacy that we will leave behind.

Empowerment is the key word here. We are empowered as human beings to choose as to how to react to what life throws upon us. Any person can be laid off from work, have huge amounts of debt, have a terminally sick family member or be dumped by a spouse. The disparity here is how we will react to this experience. The old saying, "When life throws you lemons, make a lemonade" is true.

But if I may add, make it a pitcher of lemonade...so you can share it with others. Life is still beautiful!

Solo Flight

With 4 kids and with no helper for 6 straight months, I am trying to keep my sanity. I do everything. I wake up at 4:30 am, cook breakfast and prepare them for school, bring and fetch them to school as well. Aside from this I do our mountain of laundry, do the shopping for groceries, clean the house, teach the young kids, pay the bills & attend PTAs. My free time is only between 7am to 10am which I use for praying, checking my emails & preparing my orders for eBay. After 10am, I'm busy as a rat always running from one chore to another.

Our house would be quiet at 9pm & it would be my time for some solitude. I savour this because this is my opportunity to do whatever I want at my own pace. I can surf the internet, watch TV, read a book or newspaper, and even apply treatments on my hair. But sadly, I don't do much except read the newspaper or 2 pages at the most of my book. Don't have the energy anymore, ha ha! Later than 10pm, and I'm already groggy with sleepiness. It is really physically demanding. At times, I miss the days when I am a "lady of leisure" and regret that I do not have much time for myself. Hey, I miss going to the salon or taking a nap in the afternoon or basically doing.... nothing.

But still, at the end of the day, I thank the Lord for the blessings that I have & for making me physically fit to take care of my kids and not be the one to be taken cared of. I also get to enhance my time management skills as a Domestic Engineer aka Stay-at-Home mom!

Recently, I've been having conflicts with my 14 year old son. They say that God gave us 13 years to love our kids because we would need all that love when they reach their adolescent years. All, all I can say is it is TRUE! Raising a teenage son could be quite a feat to handle. It's like having a love-hate relationship. Often, I would like to squeeze his neck to bring sense to him but at the same time embrace him.

Parenting is no easy task. Doing it on a solo flight makes it even harder. There is no vacation or days-off even when there are days that you feel like not getting up or have a simple headache. There's just nobody to rely on. The team that I thought I had vanished into thin air & I found myself all alone.

Nevertheless, I still believe that there is nothing that one couldn't handle. Each of us will have our moment of difficulty. It is my time now. It is the season of rain for my life. I welcome it believing that only after the rain will the rainbow come.