Stress Busters

"Oh my God! I'm so stressed! What should I do?"

Often, I would hear my friends tell me this. But in reality, who isn't stressed? Everybody experiences stress, even children. But do you know that there is good stress and bad stress? Stress can be good for you when you experience it in moderation and forces you to excel or do your best. However, when stress is given in long periods of time and your body can not handle it anymore then that stress becomes bad or excessive.

As a working mom with 4 kids, I am often under stress. The chaos of our house with little boys running everywhere, the sound of the TV, the task of managing the household & the demands of my work really transforms me into a witch. My husband would always tell me to take it in strides but it is easier said than done.

Thus, I decided to write this to help others & also as a reminder to myself. It may or may not work for you but who knows?

1. Learn to recognize your stress. Most of us would just say "I'm stressed!" but it would help if we determine the cause of our stress. Often the cause of our stress is just in our mind and when we analyze it, it shouldn't cause so much worry. Also learning to distinguish what is good & bad stress can help alleviate the situation.

2. Can I do something about it? Ask yourself first this question if you are stressed about something. If you can do something to correct the situation then do it. However, in most situations, it is out of our hands. Example, you are stressed that you turned down an invitation by your mother-in-law for a lunch over this weekend. This is a last minute invitation and you have made plans earlier for the weekend with your bestfriend whom you haven't seen for a long time. You start to worry that your mother-in-law will take your refusal negatively. So how do we handle the situation? First, see if you can fix your schedule. If no arrangements can be made, choose and decide. Whatever you decide, stand by it and do not think anymore of what the other person will think. It is futile and a waste of energy. You can not control what the other person will think but you can control your decisions.

3. Organize, Prioritize & Delegate. Nothing beats proper planning. This will spare you from the stress of cramming & rushing. With all the multitude of tasks we have to accomplish, knowing what is important and what is not will make a big difference. Delegating the not so important tasks will ease the burden you have on your shoulders. Remember, you are not Superman.

4. Do something you ENJOY. Get a breather, anything that will take your mind off your work or responsibilities.

• Take up a hobby - It can be cross stitch, collecting items, gardening, beading etc. There are countless hobbies that you can start. I recently discovered Scrapbooking and I really enjoyed it. Start a project that you can work at your own pace.
• Watch a movie - This will relieve you of your worries for at least 2 hours. It's cheap and you can do it with your friends or loved one.
• Read a book - Reading feeds our imagination. It enables us to experience life vicariously. So, set aside time each day to read a book. It can be just a few pages but pretty soon you'll be surprised that you have read the whole book already.
• Pamper yourself - If you have the money, go to your fave salon and be treated like a queen. If you're tight on the budget, a DIY pampering will work as well. There are lots of beauty products available that you can do on your own. Shut yourself in your room, put on a soft music, light scented candles for that special effect and give yourself a hair spa, manicure & pedicure.
• Move that body - One sure way to cure stress is to exercise. When we exercise, we release "happy" hormones. It doesn't have to be in an expensive fitness center. Just take a walk around the park or in your neighborhood or play badminton with your kids. Before the game is over, you will be in a good mood already.
• Keep a journal - For some, writing what transpired helps ease the stress. It can be a diary or a blog. Whatever your tool is, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you were able to express your thoughts.
• Feed your soul - Stress is brought about by worries. And what better way to let go of these thoughts but to talk to God. Pray and talk to Him, tell Him your woes and you will feel better. Prayer does not always have to be in the church. It can be anywhere as long as you feel at ease.

The list could go on and on and you are welcome to add your own stress buster technique. Do not be afraid to try. Finally, put stress in a different perspective. We all need stress in our lives. Life would be too bland if everything is working out just right. It's not life anymore and stress is part of being human. In the end, it all boils down one thing.

Love yourself, Relax and leave the driving to God.

Leaving in order to Live

Much has been said about our OFWs being our modern day heroes. It is a sad fact that our next door professionals Juan & Maria are moving to what they perceive as "greener pasture".

Life is so hard here that even the middle income families feel the crunch of our depreciating peso. I, myself feel this. Whenever I go to the grocery, I would notice that having 3000 php in your pocket would only give you a handful of supplies.

The Filipino diaspora is a sad reality. Our doctors, nurses, pilots etc., all highly skilled workers would leave their own country to seek a better future. They choose to be uprooted and start all over again in a country that they never knew. It is a hard decision to make. Likewise, it is a big sacrifice not only for the person leaving but also for the ones that will be left behind. But are there any options for an ordinary, middle class Filipino who is finding it hard to make both ends meet? I couldn't blame them if they decide to turn their head the other way.

For me, I am not closing the door at the possibility of migrating to another country for the sake of my children's future. It is not about meeting the day to day expenses or being financially stable. It is about looking much much farther. When I am 50 years old and my kids are all grown up and have families of their own, would the state of our country be different? Would it have changed for the better or worsened? It is not being pessimistic or negative. It is being realistic that our country is being maneuvered by the same faces that do not give importance to the welfare of their countrymen. I am not saying that all our public servants are like that. There may be a handful who are really intent on uplifting the lives of the Filipinos. But what is a handful compared to a majority?

For the sake of our future generation, I hope to God that it is still not too late for the Philippines. I know that no matter where our fellow Filipinos are, the Philippines would still be in their heart.

St. Jude Thaddeus

Tomorrow is Thursday and just like any Thursdays, I will go to St. Jude for my weekly novena with my hubby. We already finished our novena but decided to continue it as our weekly devotion to him. I am a believer of St. Jude and my wishes were granted. But mind you, it took a long time before my prayers were answered. As what they say, "In God's time and not Our time".

Novenas are not meant to be a quick fix. It is meant to strengthen your faith. Thus, if there are times wherein you already finished 9 days of your novena and still nothing happens, don't fret.

Just wait... just be patient. Something good will happen!

Sweating it out this Summer 2007

The summer heat has been so unbearable lately that almost everybody, given the choice, would avoid the scorching rays of the sun. Weather forecasters reported that this summer is the hottest season ever to hit Manila. Tuguegarao's temperature reached an all time high of 38 degrees. It is so humid that just 5 minutes after stepping out of the shower, you will start to sweat.

Most of us would seek refuge in our air conditioned rooms or offices, eat ice cream or halo halo, take countless showers to cool our bodies or even go to Baguio or Tagaytay. But what about those who do not even have electricity in their own homes? The poorest among the poor in Metro Manila would be the ones who would really take the beating of summer. In the slum areas where water supply is very hard, residents there can not afford to take a bath as often as they would want to.

Thus, think twice everytime we feel like complaining about the heat. We should count ourselves fortunate that we have the capacity to cool ourselves whenever we want to when our less fortunate brothers have no option but just to get a cardboard, fan away the heat and just bear it.

Wild Hogs

The movie Wild Hogs was totally hilarious! It's a story of 4 middle aged men who tried to recapture the adventures of their youth. The plot was simple yet funny. The various personalities of the 4 friends blended well enough to make the movie entertaining. The actors were equally good in their characters. If you want a movie that's fun with a lot of Harley Davidson bikes, go watch this.

Julia Campbell

It saddened me to know that the American Peace Corp Julia Campbell was bludgeoned to death while on a tour to Ifugao. What a waste and what a shame! Again, Manila reached the headlines for this tragedy. I visited Julia's blog and I was moved that she was able to immerse herself into the Filipino culture. A woman who was determined to be of service, to give something of herself in exchange for nothing. In her journals, you can see her sincere desire to uplift the lives of the Filipino families, especially the children.

I salute you, Ms. Julia, for choosing a life well out of your comfort zone. Your life in this world may have been short but you will be missed especially by the lives you have touched.

Weight Watching

One of the things that's been taking my attention these past few months is how to maintain my ideal weight. Ever since reaching the mid thirties, it has been a constant effort to do so. Unlike when I was still in my late twenties, it was a breeze. If I noticed that I am getting fat, I would just cut down on food intake and viola! I am back to my desired figure.

To give you a background, I am not really obese or fat even after childbirth. I just weigh around 108 lbs. At 5'2, I am still in the ideal weight line but I would prefer to be just 105 lbs. But now, even if I watch what I eat, I could still see the bulges of flesh around my waistline. Urgh! I couldn't wear the clothes that I would normally wear if I were slim.

I am one of those women who are conscious of their look. Who isn't anyway? Some may claim they aren't but I know that deep inside there is still an urge to look presentable and be pleasing to the eye. I guess it's human nature. And although I am more confident now, I still desire to be pretty not only for my husband and children but for myself as well.

I realize that I have to put in more effort to my usual weight control regimen. With age coming in, I have a slower metabolism as compared to when I was younger. Gravity also has its way of making its presence felt especially in the areas that women are conscious of. I guess it takes a lot more discipline and love for physical activity for me to address this.

Hmm, anybody knows where I can buy discipline?? he, he.

An angel's letter

I've been feeling low and sad today for reasons I know God knows. I feel as if I am amidst turmoil and I do not know where to go. My heart is full of uncertainty that I never felt for quite a while. But then, my angel came and went inside my room. She had been standing behind my back for quite some time now before I noticed her. She did not want to disturb me as I sit here in front of my laptop. She knows I am working. Sensing that she wants to say something, I asked her why and instead of replying, she just handed me a letter she made complete with drawings.

It read:

Dear Mama,

Mama bakit ka ba malungkot? Di ba dapat happy ka kasi masaya kami kaya dapat masaya ka rin. Kasi magiging malungkot din kami. Alam ko kung bakit ka malungkot kasi yata mama ....... Tama ba ako? Sabihin mo sa akin bakit ka malungkot. Sana masaya ka na kasi naawa ako sa iyo mama.

Sorry for the redundancy but that was how she wrote it. My angel, Dane, is a very sweet daughter, who despite being 8 years old only, is very sensitive to my emotions. I couldn't help but get teary eyed when I read the letter. Her letter was so simple yet so pure. In her own words, she was able to soothe my heart.

I just gave her a hug and she definitely made me smile...

Good Friday

Good Friday 07 was spent visiting different churches or what we call Visita Iglesia. This is not our regular routine during the Lenten season. Often, we would go home to Zambales and enjoy the beaches there. However, for this year, we decided to expose the kids to this Catholic tradition of remembering Christ's sacrifice for us.

We were able to visit 9 churches in all; some of it in parts of Manila. Visiting different churches is like stepping into the time. The older the church, the more history and character it has. I took the opportunity to tell my kids something about the church and point out the murals and architecture. I don't know if they are listening or even appreciated it but I'm sure they will remember this when they have children of their own.

Simple pleasures

Cooling myself in a glass of special Halo Halo is something that I do during these past few days. It is special not because of its ingredients.... hey, it doesn't even have ice cream or leche flan on top... but because we made it ourselves. Since I have 4 kids, I thought it would be economical if we make our own Halo Halo than buy at 30php each. With the summer heat, the kids has been nagging me everyday to buy Halo Halo or ice cream to cool off. So, off I went and bought an ice shaver and ingredients and started our own Halo Halo buffet. The kids liked the idea and they get to choose their own ingredients or have more of their favorites. But the thing that really makes this treat special is because we get to share some bonding moments while doing it. And mind you, it is a family effort. Their dad gets to shave the ice, the older brother and sister puts in the ingredients, I put in the milk while the 2 small ones eagerly await while we finish the task.

Seeing everybody's faces fill with glee, I am reminded that we often take simple pleasures for granted. We can spend good times together with our loved ones without really spending so much. But most of all, it is a good way to build memories with our children, memories that they will bring with them when they grow up.

Working moms

Working moms are common nowadays as compared to the days of our mothers and grandmothers. Mothers work either out of choice or because they have no choice. If they work, they could be handling a full time career, a business or doing part time/freelance work. In my situation, I worked out of choice. I have experienced being a full time mom and although I love being with my kids, there is still something amiss. I don't know but perhaps I look for the mental stimulation that talking to 3 to 7 year olds could not satisfy. Don't get me wrong. Staying at home to take care of the kids is a noble choice and decision. Children need their mothers especially in their formative years. However, being a mother doesn't necessarily mean giving up yourself. No, giving up is too strong of a word. Perhaps, losing oneself is better. It is a reality that in the everyday chaos of raising a family, there is the tendency to focus only on the kids, talk about the kids and give everything to the kids. But I believe that a mother should not forget to give also to herself. To do activities that she enjoys and that will enable her to flourish as a person. I'm sure my kids will understand my choices and will be proud that their mama has her own achievements aside from giving birth and raising kids. It is also empowering to know that you can contribute to the family's vessel of wealth.

I worked for 2 years in a telecommunications company and the experience and friends I gained there is irreplaceable. However, the demands of the corporate life is too much for a mother of 4 kids to handle. I decided to quit, and slowly start my own business. Having my own business suits me better because I am able to dictate my work hours and work load. Though it is not as stable as being an employee, it keeps me busy and makes me financially independent. As I've read somewhere, working is what makes us distinct from our animal kingdom counterparts.

Reflecting on this, I am fortunate for the opportunities that came my way. I encourage other mothers out there to reach out to their dreams. It doesn't have to be a full blown business right away. It can spring from a simple hobby like baking or cross stitch. Look around you and discover what you enjoy doing. Maybe this hobby can jumpstart a home based business that can lead to a dream you've always wanted. There are never ending possibilities..... doors that may lead to another but you will never know unless you start NOW and give it a try.

Online gaming

I'm writing this in an internet shop and I must admit that it is hard to compose my thoughts with the place being so noisy. An online DOTA game is currently being played by young teenage boys. For non-gamers, Warcraft DOTA , as you know, is one of the most popular online game to ever hit the world of gaming since Counterstrike. DOTA is all about teamwork, tactics and pure fun! They never seem to tire of it and even if there are other online games, they still prefer to play this game.

What is it then about online gaming that makes one play for hours on end? These boys come from middle income families and I am pretty sure that they have their own computers in their own homes. Yet, they still come here and play. They say that playing alone is "corny". There is a different excitement when one plays against each other than playing against a computer. Perhaps it is another form of socialization... similar to going to a party or bar and having some fun with your friends.

Most parents have negative perception of these online gaming trends. They see it as a distraction and see nothing positive about it. But, there are also benefits that one gets from playing these games. As long as it is not too violent, games enhances the mind of the player in such a way that they have to develop a tactic and strategy. Cooperation and teamwork to be able to win is also a must.

Come to think of it, teenagers have various ways of "hanging out" with friends and with the age of technology, playing online games is definitely here to stay.